I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
