She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
