And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
