Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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