we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
