it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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