What tipped you off? The sombrero?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
