just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
