Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
