So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
