Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
