Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
