I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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