Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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