there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
