I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
