Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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