She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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