ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
