hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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