i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
