How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
