don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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