Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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