Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
