Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
