Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
