Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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