i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you had me at cake vodka
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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