sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
