I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
