meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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