I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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