i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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