I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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