thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
