fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
