how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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