can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
do herpes really smell.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dicks are not precious.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
