Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
