wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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