I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
