My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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