matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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