I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
