I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
