We're like a lot better than the average bears
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
