Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
