Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
