i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
