i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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