hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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