I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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