Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He passed out mid-signature
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
