Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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