atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
