how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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