Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
