Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
