So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
